


Without worry

by DaughterofPrussia



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-02-24 04:02:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13205523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterofPrussia/pseuds/DaughterofPrussia
Summary: A canon divergent alternate universe in which Claire is not pregnant and does not go back through the stones. Jamie survives Culloden, but is then immediately taken to Ardsmuir Prison. After a short while, he is relocated to Helwater, from where he can escape. He is reunited with Claire and their search for freedom leads them to a foreign country.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Jamie works to provide for his family in the new home, Claire is plagued by doubts.

**The former homesteadt  
** **of**  
 **Wilhelm & Elsa Schnelle**  
 **April 1749**

 

****

**(”Morgenstimmung” by[Splashi](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fnebel-morgengrauen-landschaft-1494433%2F&t=MGY5MzI4NzZjMWY5YzI3YTY2ZmQyMTM4NjlmNTQ2YmExMzM4OTQ5Yyw2YlF1VmxQUg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F169272574045%2Fwithout-worry-prologue&m=1) ) **

 

         Claire woke up just as the sun was rising. She kept her eyes closed and groped searchingly and carefully on the other side of the bed for Jamie. Her thoughts were still filled with him and the last night.

         Her husband had left the house early that morning after breakfast and worked hard all day. She had sent Fergus to the field to bring him a basket of sandwiches, two bottles of water, and some apples. Jamie had come home late that evening and she would have liked to have him at the dinner table right away. But he had insisted on first cleaning the equipment and looking for the animals. When he finally got into the house, she had sent Fergus to his room. When Jamie looked around for him, she answered his unspoken question:

         "He was very hungry; I couldn’t keep him waiting so long. He had dinner and I sent him to bed. I told him he could read until you come and say good night to him.“

         Jamie nodded and went upstairs. Five minutes later he was back in the kitchen.

         "He was already asleep, with the book on his chest. I put the blanket over him again and hung the night lamp in the hallway outside his room."

         "Thank you so much, Jamie. That should have been your last work today. Come, let’s have dinner."

         "Only one more thing,” he said. Then he pulled her close and kissed her.

         As they parted, Claire smiled.

         "Is it work to kiss me?“

         "Yes, Sassenach! Kissing you is the most wonderful and rewarding work that I know."

         She rolled her eyes and shook her head smiling. And while he sat down and she brought a pot of stew to the table, she wondered how - after all the pain and sorrow - he still could be the man he was.

         They ate in silence until she could no longer restrain herself.

         "I hope it doesn’t taste too bad. I wish I could serve you and Fergus better meals, but it’s not easy with so few ingredients … always Swedish turnips, cabbage, broth and a little ham."

         Jamie stopped eating and took her hands. Looking in her eyes, he slowly kissed her knuckles.

         "Claire …. that will change in the course of the year. When we harvest in the garden and in the fields for the first time, our meals will be more varied. Fergus and I are thankful for everything you do for us. We know that you do your best with that little range of food we have right now. Please, mo ghraidh, believe me."

         "I believe you, Jamie, I really do, it’s just so … so strange. I never felt so alien the whole time I was travelling with my Uncle Lamb … The landscape is so strange, the food is foreign, the way people interact with each other is alien, all these rules and regulations are alien, and then that terribly harsh language … so strange."

         She sighed. Still holding her hand, he smiled and assured her:

         "Sassenach, you have mastered much greater challenges. You will master these too. I’m sure. And never forget: There are two of us now."

         Finally, she smiled again.

         After she had cleaned the dishes, he walked over to her, put his arms around her waist, and kissed her neck gently.

         "I take out the washing water and close the gate. Then I’m following you to our chamber."

         She turned around and kissed him.

         "Do you still have strength for that after all the hard work today?"

         "I will always have strength for my wife, Sassenach,” he answered and took the bowl with the washing water.

         "Don’t let me wait too long!“

         A bright smile was the only answer he gave her before he left the kitchen.

         That night their lovemaking was slow and comforting, but nevertheless incredibly intense as always. The last thing Claire remembered before she fell asleep in his arms was Jamie’s voice as he whispered softly ‘I love you’ in numerous foreign languages to her.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a new standalone work. I will update in irregular intervals. "Under the Wings of the Black Eagle" will also be continued.


	2. Without worry (1): Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unspoken question emerges.

(”Innen” by [StockSnap](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Farchitektur-geb%25C3%25A4ude-infrastruktur-2560300%2F&t=N2U0OWU5YmUzY2YwM2E1ZmEzMWFkMzE2YzAxOTNhODgyZjJmMzQ3MSx0cjlZWXhJSA%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F169379874635%2Fwithout-worry-1-never-again&m=1))

 

          As she groped searchingly and cautiously on the other side of the bed for Jamie, Claire expected him to lie on his back so she could put her arm on his chest. She would caress him gently until he would pull her to himself with his arm and she could rest her head on his chest. Like every morning.

          But instead of hitting the curve of his chest, her fingers bumped against a steep wall of flesh. When her eyes opened in surprise, she saw that he was leaning on his left arm and looking at her.

          "Jamie, what are you doing?" she asked sleepily.

          "I watch the first rays of the morning sun illuminate the beautiful face of my beloved wife," he whispered. A moment later, he bowed his head to kiss her softly on her forehead:

          "Good morning, Sassenach. How are you?"

          "Mphmm" (and a hearty yawn) was all he got instead of a verbal answer. Then she stretched out her limbs at once. After another deep yawn, she wrapped her arm around Jamie's neck and pulled him to her. His kiss was soft and tender. After they parted, she looked up to him and said:

          "I'm better and … and you were right. You are right. I should give it a try. I need more patience. … Perhaps I'm just tired, just exhausted after all we've been trough in the last six years. … I don't know. … Not yet."

          "Claire," he said while caressing her cheek, "it's not about being right or wrong. What you feel is completely understandable. But now we have a place where we can rest, my dear."

          "Really? It feels like the demands are never ending. I have to learn this harsh foreign language, I have to build relationships with strangers, I have to ..."

          "Please, Claire, don't put yourself under such a pressure. We take one step after another and never forget that we're doing it together."

          For some minutes, she was silent. But Jamie knew by the look of her face, that her mind was working on something. Then she reached for his arm and putting it over her waist, she asked:

          "Do you really believe that we can build a future for us here?"

          His answer came without hesitation:

          "Yes, I believe that. And I have good reasons … Remember? They paid for our whole passage. They gave us this house, with everything that was inside. They gave us the property and the fields, a cow, seeds and 50 coins. For the next ten years, we are exempt from all taxes! In two years we can get the citizenship. We live in peace. We do not have to be afraid anymore. No one will come and persecute, capture or torture us just because we are who we are. … Isn't that wonderful?"

          "Yes, Jamie, that's wonderful … like a dream and that's my problem. I fear to wake up some day only to realize that everything was nothing but a dream."

          He pulled her closer to his chest.

          "Claire, mo chridhe, you don't have to be afraid. This is a dream come true. We have the documents, the papers. And I will do everything that we will really settle, prosper and stay here."

          She let out a slight sigh and closed her eyes. After she yawned again, she slumbered. Only when the mattress slowly lowered and lifted, she was awake again. When she opened her eyes, she saw Jamie getting dressed. She patted his side of the bed several times and said:

          "Jamie, please, come back to bed. I need you …"

          "I loved doing that, but crops don't plant themselves, Sassenach. We have time for that the rest of our live."

          He kissed her again, then he wanted to leave. But suddenly she heard him turn around. The mattress lowered again. She heard him take off his boots, then his shirt and pants followed. Suddenly the blanket was lifted and he pulled her close again.

          "What made you change your mind?" she asked astonished.

          "I had a very bad Déjà vu."

          "What?"

          "I just realized that I said the same things that morning when _the watch_ came to Lallybroch."

          _"Oh yes!"  
_

Claire sat up startled, Jamie followed her.

          "Whenever I thought about it later, I wondered what would have happened if I just stayed with you that morning. Maybe the watch would simply have withdrawn after they had cashed their money? Maybe Horrocks would never have seen me? Then he would never have blackmailed me and Ian would not have stabbed him. Maybe all the evil that happened later would not have happened? I don't know ..."

          "Oh Jamie ..."

          Claire could not remember that they had ever talked about these things. After all that had happened at Wentworth, the escape and Jamie's recovery had been her first concern. In France, they had been completely preoccupied with preventing the uprising. And after the inevitable happened, her thoughts focused on liberating Jamie and escaping again. She had not guessed that Jamie had been tormented by this thought. Before she could say anything else, he pulled her to him again.

          "As I said, I've no answer to that question. But I've made a decision. I will never again put anything before my wife. The crops will not die if they have to wait one more hour. But now I will serve my wife. _Diligently_."

          Two hours later, he was gone and Claire started her daily work.


	3. Without worry (2): Men’s stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which Jamie has a little talk with Fergus.

 

(”Lampe” by  [kirahoffmann](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Flaterne-nacht-licht-dunkel-lampe-1442366%2F&t=ZjliNmU4YTM3ZDgxNGNhZGZjOWZiZmMyYTI4YTJhZWU2ZTA2ZjMyYixmdkpzYTZSbw%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F169462938320%2Fwithout-worry-2-mens-stuff&m=1) )

 

          When Jamie returned in the evening, the smell from the kitchen announced that they would have the same stew for dinner as the day before. Claire greeted him as he entered the kitchen. Her kiss was heartfelt and her embrace made him realize how much she had missed him. But just when he wanted to return her embrace, she broke away from him. 

          "If you hurry, then you will still meet Fergus awake. He seemed to be a bit depressed and he asked more often than usual when you finally would come home." 

          Jamie looked at her and nodded. He kissed her forehead gently, took one of the night lamps and went up the stairs. Arriving in front of Fergus's room, he hung the lamp on an iron bar on the wall. Then he carefully opened the door. 

          "Ah, there you are Milord!" 

          Fergus sat cross legged on his bed with an open book on his lap. 

          "Good evening lad. How are you?" 

          The boy made a sad face. 

          "Come on, Fergus, what is it?" 

          He sighed deeply. Then he said: 

          "Why do I have to do all this lassie stuff Milord? I want to help you with the fields. I am a young man. I want to do the work of a man. Feeding chickens, bringing the water or wood and weed the weed - that's work for lassies …" 

          Jamie almost laughed aloud, but he held back. He looked at the boy and thought for a moment. He put all seriousness in his voice when he said:   

          "Fergus, do you remember that evening in Paris, when we had that dinner with all those guests? That evening when I was arrested for a short time and couldn't come home before the next morning?" 

          "Yes Milord." 

          "And do you remember what I said to you when I was home again?" 

          "Yes Milord. You said that it was wise for you to leave your wife in my charge." 

          "Right Fergus. And now please take heed. There's something I haven't had the time to talk to you about. You have to promise me that these things will stay with us and us alone. That's something among _us men_. Will you promise me that?" 

          Fergus' expression instantly changed from being frustrated to being serious.

          "Yes Milord."         

          "All right. As you know, we have all been through a lot in the past few years. The war against the English, my imprisonment and finally our escape." 

          The boy nodded. 

          "You also know that Milady has worked a lot during this time. Surely you remember how she worked tirelessly for the wounded during the war." 

          He nodded again and while doing so, before his inner eye some long forgotten scenes became alive again: Claire putting up that little filed hospital at Prestonpans, Claire instructing the other women, Claire caring for Rupert's wound … 

          "Yes Milord, I know." 

          "What you don't know, is, that, while I was imprisoned, Milady was working constantly for me to be freed and for our escape. And while she did that, she was also working as a nurse in London. It was not only a lot of work, but also very dangerous for her." 

          Great astonishment spread over Fergus's face. He knew that Milady had gone to another place for month and month, while he stayed with Jenny and Ian at Lallybroch. Ian had told him once, that she was working for Milord's escape from prison. But Mr. Murray had never given him any more details.    

          "Then, when everything was ready for our escape, we went on this long journey. And, as you know, when we arrived here, there was no time to rest. We had to organize our live in a whole new environment …" 

          Again the boy nodded. He liked to live with the Murrays, but he had missed Milord and Milady tremendously. One early morning two month ago, Jenny and Ian had introduced him to a man Fergus would only know as _Grá._ The man was bearded (like Murtagh once was) and had the stature of Milord, but his hair was blonde. Ian had told Fergus, that Grá would take him to a place, where he would finally meet Milord and Milady again. And so it happened. Grá and he rode for nearly a week. Always cautious not to meet redcoats, they mostly travelled by night. The cold weather made it hard for them. But all the pain and privation were forgotten when they arrived at a certain beach and moments later Milord and Milady stepped out of a crevice. His and their joy knew no end and finally he had felt at home again. 

          "So what I want to say, is, that Milady lost a lot of strength, she is very exhausted," Jamie said. 

          "But why doesn't she rest then?" Fergus asked astonished. 

          "People rest and regain strength in different ways. As long as I know Milady, she best regained her strength when she devoted herself to her cause. I know, that may sound strange to you, but it's the truth." 

          They were silent for a moment, then Fergus looked at him. 

          "But what has this all to do with me." 

          Jamie smiled. 

          "When I came back from the prison in Paris, I told you how glad I was, that I left my wife in your charge. Today Fergus, I again entrust my wife to your charge." 

          Unbelievable astonishment spread over the boy's face.         

          "I have to work at the fields, at least for the next two weeks. You can't do that for me. But you can help me by looking after my wife, watching over her when I can't be here. That is very important for me, Fergus. You know how much I love and care for her. It gives me peace to know that you look after her, watching her, while I'm gone. You did not know it, but while you were doing the work of lassies, you did this important job along the way. It will continue to be so. We will not tell Milady. You have been and will be my deputy here. And if something happens then you inform me as soon as possible. All right?" 

          A bright smile crossed Fergus' face and he nodded. The lassies work he had abhorred so much was just a cover for his real, his important but secret task. 

          "Thank you lad. Is there anything else you like to talk about with me?" 

          "Yes. When will we go hunting again?" 

          "Hm. That's not so easy. The land around Lallybroch and also the forest belonged to us. We could hunt there whenever we wished. Here the forest is owned by a Baron. One must pay him for an allowance to hunt. And as much as I know, it's not cheap." 

          Fergus looked sad. 

          "But I have good news. Because the brook runs past our property, we are allowed to fish from it whenever we want. If possible, I come home a little earlier on Saturday and I teach you how to fish. And later the year I can teach you how to put slings on our fields to hunt rabbits." 

          "That would be great, Milord!" 

          Jamie smiled. He tucked the blanket around the boy and said: 

          "Good night Fergus!" 

          "Good night Milord!"


	4. Without worry (3): Do you remember? (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After saying 'Good night' to Fergus, Jamie and Claire look forward to have dinner. But then something inexplicable happens ....

(”Gürtel” / “Belt” by [cromaconceptovisual](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fg%25C3%25BCrtel-kleidung-bund-leder-2198931%2F&t=ZDNkMTljMmQ0NGQ4YzYwZjkxM2Q0Zjk1NWZhMTZjMDYzN2VlZWM5OSxZNkQ3Q1NJaw%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F170528665605%2Fwithout-worry-3-do-you-remember-1&m=1))

 

          She heard his footsteps on the stairs. When he appeared in the kitchen shortly afterwards, dinner was already on the table.

          "That was a long time for saying 'Good night' …" she teased.

          He only needed four big steps, then he stood behind her. The moment she turned to him, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close.  
  
          "Was not my wonderful wise wife telling me to talk to the lad?"

          "And," she asked as she slid her slender, delicate fingers through his still thick red hair, "what were you talking about?" A mischievous look accompanied her words.

          Instead of an answer, she got kissed. Starting gently, Jamie became more and more passionate. When they parted, she smiled.

          "James Fraser, are you trying to distract me? What were you two talking about?"

          "Och, only men's stuff. Nothing that's interesting for wee lassies."

          He grinned.

          "Wee lassies? Don't you remember that one night at Leoch when you called me 'a vixen'?"

          "How could I ever forget that?" he asked, smiled and pulled her to him again.

          She wanted to embrace him as well, but in that moment something happened that she could not explain. Not then and not later. Like in an open vision, she again saw all the events that had gone before the moment when he had called her 'a vixen' at castle Leoch:

          Claire saw as Willie disappeared into the forest and she saw herself running to the standing stones.  
          Then she had to face the redcoats again, who violently drove her away to the English fort. And there he was: Black Jack Randall. His sight hit her like a blow. But the monster faded away quickly and she saw Jamie in the window of Randall's office. After a conversation that seem to last for hours, she felt Jamie's hand and than her coat over her shoulders. The ancient walls of the fort rushed past her inner eye until she looked into a dark bottomless pit. And then she fell into the depths. Water was all around her. But in the midst of her fear that she might crushing on hard ground or drowning in the dark water, she felt Jamie's firm grip and she knew he would not let her go. Not then, not ever.  
          The images in front of her inner eye and the emotions associated with them increased in speed. She felt the warm body of a horse under her. With it came a feeling of security. But only moments later, she saw Jamie. His face was desperate, then it got angry and in the end he just seemed to be exhausted. And she felt as if a cold, invisible wall was sliding down between him and her. Shortly after, she saw an inn. But she felt no sense of relief. The men around her and Jamie, the friends from Leoch, seemed like strangers to her and then something cold took possession of her. But suddenly she felt the warm, soft mattress, cushions and blankets of a bed around her. At last she would be able to rest, maybe even sleep. The door opened and Jamie entered. What a reassurance, what a pleasure! Claire wanted nothing more than to feel him next to her, his warmth, his tenderness. Falling asleep in his arms was all she yearned for. But when she asked him to come to her, he reacted very differently. He pulled his belt and ... How could he do something like _that_ to her? How could he betray her like that? Claire thought she had to vomit. But the vision did not leave her any time for that. She saw herself in the dining room of the inn and felt the mocking looks of the men of Leoch. Once again she felt the warm body of a horse beneath her, but that good feeling was completely suppressed by the pain Jamie's belt had left behind. There was nothing but pain, overwhelming pain. Her body ached with every movement. But it was the pain of her soul that threatened to overwhelm her. It sucked every ounce of strength out of her being.

          Castle Leoch became visible on the horizon and a moment later she felt herself racing down the centuries-old corridors as if she had to flee from a mortal enemy. She still could not believe it, but the man she tried escape from was her husband, the man she had trusted. They reached their room and she heard him scolding. But she was not capable of more than a snide response. He left and slammed the door behind him with force. Claire saw herself going to bed. Jamie had come back and talked to her. She answered, but she did not really care for what he had to say. When he began to undress, she looked at him sharply and asked: "What are you doing?" His answer came slowly and carefully: "I thought ..." She grabbed all the blankets she could get and said: "Think again." The tone in her voice was sharp and cold. But as she spoke, she felt that the blade she had pointed against Jamie was cutting right into her own heart. He took his jacket and left. Again she was overcome by a feeling of coldness and it seemed to her as if it did not want to end anymore. She wished nothing more than to have him next to her, but her anger and pride did not allow it. Would the rift between them ever heal again? Would they ever be able to trust each other again? Where would he go? Would he go and console himself with another woman? Deep inside her she knew that neither of them would find sleep that night.  
          It felt like days were passing. Then Claire saw herself sitting in front of the mirrored table in her room. Jamie came in. He looked different. A kind of nervousness emanated from him. He told her that Dougal and Colum had reconciled. She paused for a moment. Did she hear hope from his words? Hope that they, too, could reconcile? Then he said that Column and Dougal reconciliation had made him think. And suddenly he was kneeling in front of her, defeated, sad, and hurt. He pulled his dagger out of its scabbard, put it on his own breast, gave her the oath of allegiance that he had denied Colum and vowed that he would never again use his strength against her. He had spoken of Lallybroch and how he had hoped to that this place would be their home. But when she tried to comfort him about the loss, he declared without hesitation that she was his home and she alone. In his eyes she had recognized a mixture of despair and longing. And when he asked her if she would have him, her heart answered out of the same longing. What followed was not the tender lovemaking they were used to, but a kind of fierce battle.

          Claire felt as if everything was spinning around her. Her head and stomach rebelled against everything she had seen. Jamie and she had reconciled and later, after the events at Cranesmuir, they had shared their last secrets. They had talked about it and forgiven each other. Why was she hit by her remembrance in such a hard and cruel way?

          Jamie had no idea what had happened to the woman he tried to hold firm in his arms. But the physical signs of her experience were obvious to him. Seconds after he had pulled her to him, she had begun to tremble all over. Her breathing had accelerated. Welding drops became visible on her forehead and her face went white like chalk. He had spoken to her several times, calling out her name, but she had not responded. She was limp in his arms and if he had not held her tight, she would have slipped to the ground. The whole experience took only a few minutes, but it worried him to his bones. The only thing that gave him hope was that she was breathing.

          Then she opened her eyes.

          "Claire, what is going on? Are you sick? How can I help you my dear?"

          "No … no Jamie … just get me to the table … that I might sit down."

          He did as she had asked and slowly her breathing returned to normal. When he was sure she would not fall off the chair, he went and brought her a mug with fresh water.

          "Claire, what happened?" he asked while he gently stroked her left hand.

          "Not now, please. I will tell you. But please not now. Just let us eat and go to bed."

          "All right, but if I can do …"

          "Yes."

          She rested one hand reassuringly on his arm.

          "I know, Jamie. Trust me, if I need your help, I'll say it."

          They ate in silence for a while, but then Jamie saw the grief of the past days return to Claire's face. And she saw, that he knew.

          "It's the same stew for dinner as all days of this week, I know, but …"

          "Claire," he said and he wanted to add, "do you remember, when …" But he didn't. She had asked him this question once this evening and something bad, something inexplicable, had happened to her. So he thought he should better avoid that kind of question.

          "Yes, Jamie?"

          "Once I told you, that I had eaten grass and from that experience I can ensure you, this stew tastes heavenly even if I get it every evening for dinner."

          She leaned over and stroked his arm again. Jamie could not resist her face, which was now full of joy and love. He reached out and stroked her cheek gently.  The he pulled her head carefully towards him and kissed her softly. When they broke, she said:

          "I love you, I truly love you."

          "And so do I Sassenach."

          "Let's finish and go to bed."

          "Aye."

          While Claire did clean the dishes, Jamie had locked the main gate and had made his usual evening walk around the yard. When he was sure that everything was in order, he entered the house, where Claire handed him the washing basin. He took it and poured the water into the drain in the yard. Then he locked the door and, after placing the washing basin at its place in the kitchen, he took the night lamp from the table and followed Claire to their chamber. When he entered the room, Clair was already in bed.

          "Get changed quickly," she said smilingly.

          He did and only two minutes later he slid under the blanket and to her side.

          "How can I serve my beautiful wife?"

          "Just let me rest at your side and I will try to tell you what happened," she answered.

          He put his arm and shoulder around her and she crawled into his embrace.

          "Tell me, my love. I'm here. I'm with you, for you."

          "I had … I had an experience. When you pulled me to you and I closed my eyes … I … I saw … things … no … I saw all that happened before … before you called me 'a vixen' that night at Leoch."

          Jamie looked at her questioningly but said nothing. He needed all his strength to suppress his inner unrest.

          "I mean all that happened. My run to the stones, the redcoats capturing me, our escape from the English fort, our quarrel and … what happened at the inn."

          Jamie looked sad, but she gently stroked his chest and said:

          "Don't worry. Everything is fine between us. Everything is forgiven and I will not dig it up again."

          He nodded and tried to smile.

          "As I said, I saw all this again and also what happened in Leoch that night when you came from that meeting with Colum and Dougal."

          She went silent for a moment, gathering all strengh for what she wanted to say.

          "Jamie, I am so thankful that we reconciled at that time. But I've always wondered what happened to us back then. What _really_ happened?"

          He knew what she meant. He knew it exactly and so he pulled her even closer so himself.

          "We were both very angry. Each of us thought he was right. We didn't understand each other because we didn't know that we came from different times. We were full of anger, but we were also full of love. The first part that night was like a battle, but then our love overcame our anger and we knew that nothing ever would be stronger then our love for each other."

          When she did not reply, he continued.

          "Claire, I had felt it all the time before, but … since that night … I am absolutely sure that I would never feel whole again without you."

          She raised her head and looked at him. When their eyes met, he saw tears in her eyes. He wanted to pull her up to him and kiss her, but then she said:

          "When you took me to the stones ... after the trial in Cranesmiur … I really thought about going back … I could not do it but ... I ... do not think that I made my decision at the stones. Not … really …no, I am absolutely sure that I made my decision that night in Leoch."

          Jamie said nothing, but she sensed that he was waiting for her to fill in the gaps in her story.

          "You know, the other morning we found this ill-wish under our bed ... Later that day I went to the kitchen. I wanted to confront Laoghaire and I did. She has ... she insulted me badly and ... and I slapped her."

          Claire took a deep breath.

          "But that was not the most important thing that happened. I suddenly heard myself say to her: 'Just stay away from me. And my husband.' Then a feeling swept over me. I first thought it was jealousy, but I was not jealous. I knew you are mine and I am yours. But … I felt I had to protect  … to defend … what was mine. After that morning, I knew I loved you."                  

 


	5. Without worry (4): Of Sons and Daughters (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day in the life of the Fraser family in their new home - with some surprises.

****

**(”Küche” by[agata822](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Ffenster-unter-dem-dach-zimmer-haus-3255051%2F&t=OWY4YTkwNjNjYWMwODI3OWI3ZDgzMGRkOTQ2Njg2MGI5Nzc1NWM0YixNZUpEb092WA%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172579616240%2Fwithout-worry-4-of-sons-and-daughters-1&m=1) ) **

 

It was still dark when Claire awoke the next morning. As her hand fumbled for Jamie, she found him lying on his back as usual. She caressed his chest gently until he pulled her to himself with his arm and she rested her head on his chest.

          "Good morning, Sassenach. How are you?"

          "Good morning, my Love. I'm feeling better. Much better."

          He pulled her closer and kissed her. **  
**

Tenderly she stroked his chest and they were just laying quietly together for a while.  
  
          "Can I ask you a question, Sassenach?"

          She knew it had to be a serious matter if he asked this way.  
  
          "Sure."  
  
          His chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath.  
  
          "Do you have any idea why this is all happening now, I mean ... why these memories are reentering our lives with such power … right now?"

          To his surprise, she answered immediately.  
  
          "That's a good question and I've already asked it myself."  
  
          "And did you find an answer?"

          "Perhaps our memory wants to create order, now that we are no longer on the run, now that we have come to rest externally and inwardly. What do you think?"  
  
          "I agree."  
  
          Again they were silent for a moment.

          Jamie's chest rose and fell and he had begun drawing small circles on her back with his left hand. Claire sensed that his question had not really been answered yet.  
  
          "Are you worried about that?"  
  
          "Last night I worried about your health, Sassenach."

          He pulled her to him again and kissed her forehead.  
  
          "And you? Are you worried?"  
  
          Claire met his eyes and then slowly shook her head.

          "No, last night ... well, I felt really nauseated. But that was not because of the memory ... rather because of the way I remembered these things. It was ... as if ... I was going to experience everything again ... and it all happened so fast ... It was as if a maelstrom pulled me down."

          She saw his dismayed look, so she quickly added:

          "But the memories ... no, they do not scare me. I'm glad we can finally talk about it. All those awful things we had to go through were not able to separate us and our memories of those difficult times will not do that either. On the contrary, I ... I even have the impression that these difficult experiences, now that we talk about them, bring us even closer together."

          On Jamie's face a wide smile became visible.  
  
          "I feel the same, Claire, truly."  
  
          He brushed one of her rebellious curls off her face and kissed her.

          "I've always felt safe with you, Jamie, well, except ... during the short time ... after our argument at the inn ... and after our reconciliation, I decided to trust you again. But after Cranesmuir and our conversation in the woods ... when I told you my whole crazy story and ... and you believed me, there was never any doubt in me that I could trust you completely. I do not doubt it today and I never will. I'm glad I can share everything with you."

 

(”Kräutergarten” by [tassilo111](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fzaun-bauernzaun-kr%25C3%25A4utergarten-218686%2F&t=ZDc2MmIwZDkyNWU0ODg3ZWU5ZjIwMzY0Y2U2ZjE4NjlkMmY1NWRmZixNZUpEb092WA%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172579616240%2Fwithout-worry-4-of-sons-and-daughters-1&m=1))  

         

          After breakfast, Fergus immediately declared that he would now go out to feed the chickens and provide the cow with new straw. Before Claire could say anything, he had already left the house. She looked at Jamie in surprise, but he just smiled.

          "Men's talk, aye?" she asked, shaking her head slightly in unbelief. But her husband just grinned.

          While Claire did the dishes, Jamie got his appliances out of one of the barns. Fergus was standing in the yard feeding the chickens as Claire stepped out of the front door to say goodbye to Jamie. He tried discretely to look aside as they kissed each other goodbye. It made him happy to see them like that, because it gave him a certain feeling of security. As long as Milord and Milady were fine and they stayed together, he would be able to stay with them. He would have a home.

          Shortly thereafter, Claire began her work. The garden behind the house was like a big square. Four stamped paths in the shape of a cross divided it into four fields of equal size. She had provided two fields for various vegetable plants. On another field were various berry bushes and fruit plants and on the fourth field she had created an herb garden. All these plants had to be watered and therefore she needed the help of Fergus.  
          The entire property, which had been made available to them, was bordered on one side by a brook. It could only be reached by a bridge, which could be used by a larger coach. The brook also flowed past the garden, but since it was surrounded by a wall, one had to go from the garden through the yard to the bridge and get a bucket from there into the river to fetch the water.

          In principle, Claire could always rely on his help, but during the last days it seemed that Fergus was a little bit reluctant to do his work. So much bigger was her surprise when she came into the garden that morning and there were already two full buckets of water waiting for her. Shortly thereafter, Fergus appeared with two more full buckets, which he exchanged for those with which she had just watered the fruit bushes. Without grumbling, he made his way to the brook to refill the empty buckets. And so it went on, until all plants in their garden were watered. Fergus did not complain once, did not start to lament as usual, or take long breaks. Claire watched his behavior with great pleasure, but said nothing. Nevertheless, he did not miss the smile on her face. When it was time to prepare lunch for him and Jamie, she said:

          "Come with me Fergus, you worked so hard, you deserve a break."

          Back in the kitchen she poured him a cup of milk and gave him one of the sweet rolls she had baked in the morning. As he ate, she prepared the basket with sandwiches, some apples and water for their lunch. Then she sent him to the field to bring Milord his lunch. When she heard the gate close behind Fergus, she took a sandwich and a cup of tea she had prepared for herself, sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat. Fergus would be gone for at least two hours and she wanted to spend an hour trying to get some rest. After finishing her lunch, Claire grabbed another cup of tea and a book. She carried both into the yard and sat down on the small bench, which stood under a window on the left side of the front door. She might have read for half an hour when the door in the gate opened and Fergus strolled in.

          "Fergus! What are you doing here? Has something happened to Jamie?" she asked surprised.

          Fergus, equally surprised, looked at her and said:

          "No. I brought Milord lunch, ate with him and then I returned."

          "But why did you come back so early?"

          Claire knew very well that Fergus liked staying with Jamie longer than necessary, and that on the way home he liked to detour and wander around. But Fergus answered:

          "There is still a lot to do in the garden and in the barns. I thought you needed my help."

          "Yes, sure," Claire answered and got up. If he was so willing, she did not want to miss this chance.

          They worked until the late afternoon. Together they had cleaned the garden of dead scrub and then cleaned up one of the barns in which the previous owners had stowed away old lumber. Some of the things were still good. Claire found some slightly rusty scissors that could be restored with some work. In addition, she found a number of clay pots in different sizes, which she could use very well in the garden. Old, partly broken furniture made up most of the lump. She would have to talk to Jamie about it. Maybe he could restore some of the furniture. The rest they could definitely use as firewood. When they finished the work in the barn, Claire took a brush and brushed the dust off her and Fergus' clothes and hair.

          "Come on, Fergus, let's go in. We've done enough for today."  


(”Fetter Brötchen” by [Flyfishinghut](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Ffetter-br%25C3%25B6tchen-sahne-br%25C3%25B6tchen-3148125%2F&t=MWQzZmViOGY3ZWUxZTAyZDc4ZjRhMDU1ZTY0YzdmOTkxZDVjYzEwYSxNZUpEb092WA%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172579616240%2Fwithout-worry-4-of-sons-and-daughters-1&m=1))

 

          Shortly after, she put tea and sweet rolls on the table and encouraged Fergus to eat. She watched with pleasure as he relished his roll. He really looked a little tired.

          "Would you like another cup of tea or maybe some milk?"

          "No, thank you."

          She poured herself another cup of tea, took a seat next to him on the bench and hugged him. He put his head to her chest and she began to cuddle his hair gently.

          "Thank you, Fergus, for all that you have done today, you have been of great help to me."

          "I liked doing that for you, Milady."

          "I know. But I thank you from my heart. Do you remember the day in Culloden, Fergus? The day Jamie and I had to send you away?"

          "Yes Milady."

          "And do you remember what we said to you, when we had to send you away?"        

          "Yes Milady. I never forgot. Milord called me 'mon fils' and said he loved me like a son … and you hugged me and said you loved me like your own son. I never forgot, Milady. And I … I love you and Milord too … very much."

          "We are very grateful for you, Fergus and we are happy that finally we all can be together again - you, Jamie and I. And what we said at Culloden is still true today. We love you like our own son."

          In order to emphasize her words, she pressed him even closer.

          "But in the last days I thought about some things I think I have to talk about with you."

          Startled, he raised his head and looked at her with wide eyes.

          "Did I do something wrong, Milady?"

          "No, Fergus, you did nothing wrong. Nothing."

          Gently she pressed his head back against her chest and stroked his hair.

          "There is something I like to ask you. When Jamie was imprisoned, we tried everything to free him. When he was transported to Helwater, we finally had a chance and took advantage of it. But the only way to preserve Jamie's and our freedom was to go abroad. We knew that we could not go back to France because we would certainly be searched there. The colonies were not an option for us either. As you know, they are teeming with Englishmen and redcoats. But luckily I met someone who helped us and we were able to come here. When … when Jamie and I were reunited, we also wanted to have you back with us. That's why we contacted the Murray's and asked them to send you to us so we could take you with us. We were so happy when Grá finally brought you to us."

          He raised his head again and smiled.

          "So was I, Milady."

          "Yes, Fergus, but we … we never asked you if you wanted to come with us."

          Again he looked at her in astonishment.

          "But Milady, have you forgotten, what you told me?"

          "What do you mean, Fergus?"

          "You told me, that I belong to you and Milord and that I always will have a home with you."

          "Oh yes, that's still true!"

          Claire felt tears spilling into her eyes and she gave them free rein.

          "Milady, why are you crying?"

          "Joy, Fergus, pure joy. I'm so glad that you want to be with us."

          "Oh yes Milady. Have you ever doubt it?"

          "No, Fergus, no. But you know, when we came here after this long journey, there was so much to do. This big house had to be cleaned and rearranged. Jamie immediately had to take care of the fields so that we could have a harvest this year. There was so much to do and we had so little time for you. Tell me, are you missing anything?"

          He smiled, but then his face took on a thoughtful look.

          "Sometimes I miss Mr. and Mrs. Murray and I miss the other kids, especially the boys. I miss to go hunting with Milord. I miss the mountains and the forests. The country here is … very different. But I'm still happy to be with you and Milord. I missed you both very much when Milord was imprisoned and you were in England."

          He was silent for a moment. His face clearly showed that he was thinking seriously. Then he continued: 

          "I talked to Milord and he promised me he would go and catch rabbits and trout. He also told me that we will have more time together when the winter comes. Then he will have more time to teach us the language. And if I speak the language better, then I will certainly soon find new friends. No, I am glad that I can be with you. And if you ever move again I will be with you. That's were I belong. My home is with you. You do not have to worry, Milady."

          When Claire felt tears running down her cheeks again, she gently squeezed the small head with the restless brown curls against her chest.

          "Yes, Fergus, because we love each other neither of us has to worry."

         


	6. Without worry (5): Of Sons and Daughters (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Claire's heart, nearly forgotten questions arise as a conversation about Fergus's future comes up.

(”Wiege” by [krolak](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fwiege-dorf-kammer-holz-770287%2F&t=MDEwNTQ3ZmUxMDJhYzA0ZDkxMTJhYTAwOTQ4OTljODY5NzE0MTJlMCxWUkl4WEhmZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172741937995%2Fwithout-worry-5-of-sons-and-daughters-2&m=1))

 

          Jamie returned late in the evening and Claire sent him to Fergus right away, but when he entered the room, he found the boy sound asleep. During dinner, she told him about her day with the boy and how much he had surprised her.

          "Was that a result of your 'men's talk'?" she asked slightly smiling.

          "Maybe," he answered smiling back at her.

          Their conversation then turned to other topics. Jamie told her how far his work on the fields had evolved and together they planned the tasks for the coming days. As they were about to clear the table, they heard the door of one of the upper rooms open and slow footsteps coming near. Shortly thereafter, a very sleepy Fergus appeared at the top of the stairs.

          "Fergus, what are you doing?" Jamie asked astonished.

          "Good evening, Milord," the boy answered in a slow voice and yawned.

          "Fergus, are you sick?"

          Claire had stepped beside Jamie and looked up the stairs worriedly.

          "No," came the answer, "I just need a cup of water."

          "Go back to bed lad. I'll bring it to you."

          "Thank you, Milord."

          Fergus yawned again and turned around. Then the footsteps of his bare feet could be heard on the wooden floorboards again. Jamie poured water from a pitcher in a cup and followed him. When he got into the lad's room, he was already back in his bed. Jamie sat down on the edge of the bed and handed him the cup. Fergus drank eagerly.

          "Thank you, Milord."

          "Gladly."

          He took the empty cup from the boy's hands and placed it on the nightstand. Gently he stroked his hair.

          "Milady told me that you were a great help to her today. I am very happy to hear that. Thank you Fergus, thank you very much. I knew that I could trust you."

          "I try my best, Milord."

          "I know, Fergus, I know. Now go back to sleep. You need your rest. Tomorrow is another day and we need your help. But on Saturday I will come home earlier and after lunch I show you how to catch trout."

          "Really?"

          The face of the boy started to shine. Finally! Finally he could do something together with Milord again. How much he had missed the time of their joint ventures and adventures!

          "I promise!"

          Jamie started to shine as well. The joy and gratitude he saw in Fergus's eyes also made him grateful. One last time, he stroked the boy's head. Then he took the cup and stood up.

          "Good night, Fergus!"

          "Good night, Milord!"

 

(”Himmel” by [Curriculum_Photografia](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fsonnenaufgang-desktophintergrund-1983740%2F&t=NmQ2OTE0YTQyMWRmZjU5ZDMyYTY4MTgwM2UxODFhZGEyZDE2MjJjMCxWUkl4WEhmZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172741937995%2Fwithout-worry-5-of-sons-and-daughters-2&m=1))

 

          Jamie went back to the kitchen. Claire had already done the dishes. Only the wash water was still there. As every evening he carried it out and poured it away. Then he went one last time across the yard, looked into the stables, locked the gate and returned to the house. He locked the front door, set the wash bowl in its place, then picked up the night light Claire had prepared for him and headed for their bedroom. When he entered, Claire was already in bed waiting for him.

          "Did you two have another 'men's talk'?"

          "Not really," he answered smilingly, "… I told him, that on Saturday I will come home earlier and that I will show him how to catch trout after lunch. I … I think I should spend some time with him. You were right. The last months were very busy. But when I am finished with the fields, I will have more time for both of you. And I promise I will not spend this time with work alone."

          Jamie rested his arms on the bed, leaned over to her and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. She answered nothing, but her face showed him that this announcement pleased her. He took off his boots and pants, washed hands and face and when he finally entered the bed, he pulled her near.

          "Claire, there's another reason why I'd like to spend more time with Fergus."

          "Tell me."

          "On the way home, I met the mayor, Mr. Schultheiß. He asked me how we are doing and how I'm progressing with the fields. Later he also came up with the question of citizenship. He knew from our previous conversations that Fergus is our foster son and asked me if we would adopt him. I told him that we had not thought about it yet. He said that there might be difficulties with his naturalization if he did not have an officially recognized surname. He then asked me how old Fergus was and I told him that he had turned 14 this year. Mr. Schultheiß told me, that he would have reached the age in which he would have to give his consent to an adoption. He also told me that we need an approval of the provincial authority to adopt Fergus. It takes some time, so we should take care of it soon if we decide to."

          He looked at her and waited for a reaction.

          "And what did you say to Mr. Schultheiß?"

          "I told him that I would talk to my wife about it. What do you think about it?"

          "Jamie, is that really a question? He is like a son to us, like our own son. Was that ever a question after we took him with us from Paris to Scotland?"

          He smiled.

          "Not really, Sassenach."

          He pulled her to him and kissed her.

          "But we have to talk to him and ask him if he wants to be our son - not only in our hearts but also before the law. When do you think we should talk to him about it?"

          "What do you think about Sunday? After breakfast?"

          "Yes, that's a good time."

          He kissed her again.

          "Rest now, mo nighean donn. It has been a long day and you need your rest."

          "Yes, you're right."

          Claire yawned. Then she turned on her side and he put an arm around her waist. They were silent and some time later their breath had found one rhythm. But then she suddenly turned around. Jamie, who was almost asleep, startled in surprise.

          "What is it, Sassenach?"

          She took a deep breath and he sensed something was straining her.

          "Jamie, when Fergus wants to be adopted by us and we adopt him officially, does that mean that you have given up hope?"

          "Given up hope?

          "You know what I mean. After we lost … after we had to give Faith back into the hands of God … I mean … have you given up the hope that we ever …"

          With a single movement, he pulled her tightly against his chest. Then he felt the tears on her face.

          "No. Never. I. Have. Never. Given. Up. Hope."

          And after every single word he kissed a tear away. He then took her had in his hands, kissing her forehead. After placing her head on his chest again, he gently stroked her hair, then her back and her arms.

          "All I want for Fergus is a secure future."

          Jamie paused for a moment. When she didn't answer, he went on:

          "Claire, you once told me that too much pressure, strain, excitement and work can hinder a woman to conceive. You called it stress, if I remember right."

          "Yes, you're right."

          "The last three years our lives were full of this kind of stress. The uprising, our escape to Lallybroch, living in hiding, my imprisonment in Ardsmuir and your escape to London, all your work while planning to free me and find a new home for us, my escape from Helwater, our hiding until we were reunited with Fergus, our long journey … and even after we arrived here there was so much work … you worked so hard to change this place into a home for us … No, mo chridhe, I haven't given up hope. Perhaps it was right, that it hasn't happened in these stressful times. But now that we find more and more peace, now that we have settled here ... maybe now is the time. Whatever happens, I trust that God will grace us with children of our own in the right time. I can wait. And if it does not fit his plan to give us more children then I will not love you any less, not for a moment of my life."

          Again he kissed her gently.

          "And Claire, never forget: We have Fergus and Faith. We have not lost her. She has only gone before us and she is waiting for us."

          She nodded and her arms tightened around him.

          These had been Mother Hildegard's words. She remembered. When she asked the mother why she had lost her daughter, her beautiful, perfect daughter, she had answered:

          'You have not lost her, Claire. You have only returned her into the hands of God and there she's absolutely save until you will see her again.'

          Claire had heard the words, but they had not reached her heart. Her twentieth-century mind had reacted immediately. God and the thought of a life after death had no place in it. These were the hopes that calmed people who could not face the harsh realities of life. But when she told Jamie what had happened and what Mother Hildegard had told her, he had immediately agreed to these words. Claire had been silent. Her mind had told her that he was a man of the 18th century and that in his time all unknown things and all unresolved questions were answered with a reference to God. If he found hope and comfort in these words, why should she take that from him? His heart and his conscience were already burdened enough. But her mind forbade her heart to find comfort and hope in these words. In the aftermath, however, she had watched over and over again how Jamie's faith in God gave him confidence and strength. And then there were these times when she realized with wonderment that a quiet longing was trying to nest in her heart. It was the desire to find the same comfort her husband had found. It was the desire to be united with her husband in the same hope. It was the desire to know that her beautiful little daughter was really save. But her mind found a thousand arguments that denied her the fulfillment of that longing. Even tonight, she would not find an answer to the question of whether this invisible divide between them would ever be overcome. She told herself that she just had to be satisfied with what she had. And what she had was a lot. She had a husband who loved her more than his own life. She had a foster son who was like her own son and loved her as well. She had a home, her family did not go hungry, and they were no longer persecuted. As soon as she was finished with the work in the house and garden, as soon as she would speak the language better, then she would be able to work as a healer again. She was grateful for everything and maybe that was all she could expect from this life. But a little doubt remained. At last she was overwhelmed by fatigue and she fell asleep.  


	7. Without worry (6): It was your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While working in the garden, Claire recalls the important events that led her and Jamie to their new home.

****

**(”Frühstücksei” by[congerdesign](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Feier-eigelb-gekochtes-ei-869300%2F&t=YzIwYWQ1YTI1Mzk5MjU4Y2RmMjQzYmFjZjUyNGY4MzI0ODFlZGUxMSxrYUFOZWdBMQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172831259180%2Fwithout-worry-6-it-was-your-fault&m=1) )    **

 

The morning sun was slowly finding its way through the windows. Claire stood at the hearth and was pleased with the silence in the house. She loved this time of the day. Jamie was already taking care of the animals and would be back shortly, and Fergus could appear at any moment. Breakfast was ready on the table and together they would start their day. Together. She had them back with her, the people she loved. Not all. Jenny, Ian, the kids. She missed the Murrays. She missed Lallybroch. She missed the old house full of young life. But the people she loved more than anything else, they were with her. Nothing could make her more grateful.

          Claire had been so deep in her thoughts that she had not heard Jamie's footsteps. She was a little startled as she felt his hands around her waist. He pulled her close and slowly, his face dropped into her hair.

          "You smell so good, Sassenach," he whispered into her ear. Then he gently stroked her hair aside and began to kiss her neck and shoulder. She closed her eyes.

          "Could you do me a favor, Claire?"

          "Hm."

          "Could you work a little less today and rest a little? I would like to spend some more time with my wife tonight."

          She smiled.

          "I try my best."

          "I will make sure that you will not regret it, mo nighean donn."

          Before she could answer, they heard Fergus come down the stairs.

          "Good morning, Milady. Good morning Milord."

          His greeting was followed by a long yawn.

          "Good morning Fergus," Claire answered. She took him in her arms, rested his head against her chest, and stroked lovingly with her fingertips trough his hair.

          "Good morning, lad. Are you hungry?"

          Fergus raised his head and looked at Jamie. He rolled his eyes.

          "Milord, how long do you know me to ask such a question?"

          Jamie grinned.

          "Come on lad, let's have breakfast."

 

          After breakfast, Fergus went out to feed the chickens and then fetch the first buckets of water for Claire. She had cleaned the dishes and was on her way out of the house, when Jamie, who had packed his tools, returned to say goodbye. He hugged her and kissed her again.

          "Good bye, my love. I'll see you tonight."

          She did not answer but kissed him passionately.

          "I hope the time passes by quickly."

          "It will. And on Saturday we will all spend the afternoon together."

          "And on Sunday we will talk to our lad."

          "Yes, we will. I am a bit excited. And Sunday evening we will have another language lesson. It's about time you speak that language better."

          Claire rolled her eyes.

          "Don't look at me that way, dear. It was your fault we came here, your wonderful fault."

          She rolled her eyes even more, but he just grinned, pulled her close and kissed her one last time. Just a few moments later he was gone.

 

          After Claire went to the garden, she watched with pleasure that Fergus was eager to help her that day as well. Thanks to his efforts, it was not long before the plants were watered. After filling the buckets with water one last time, he asked:

          "What should I do next, Milady?"

          "I will work in the herb garden now. I do not need your help there. So I want you to go to your room and get the book with which we learn the new language. Milord wants to continue our lesson on Sunday afternoon and will certainly be happy if you are well prepared. You can sit there under the cherry tree. Then I can call you when I need your help again."

          Fergus did not seem enthusiastic, but he remembered that he had an important job to accomplish.

          "Yes, Milady, I'll be right back," he answered and was on his way right away.

          As he walked to his room, he thought that the place under the cherry tree was a very good place. From there he had a real good overview of the whole garden. He could watch Milady in the herb garden. At the same time he had the gate that separated the garden from the courtyard in his view.

          Claire looked after him and smiled. Then she got to work. As she plucked weeds, cut herbs, or dug up the dirt with a small shovel, her mind wandered back to the conversation she'd had with Jamie in the morning.

          "It was your fault we came here, your wonderful fault," he had said and she knew how he meant it. It was his way of teasing her. He had never considered their escape to this place her fault. On the contrary! For him, this possibility had been nothing but God's answer to his daily prayers. For her, it was nothing but luck. She smiled without noticing and suddenly she saw the whole situation before her inner eyes as if it were happening right now.

          Jamie had sent her back to Lallybroch with Murtagh and Fergus to save them both from the horror of the coming battle. Shortly thereafter, a completely unknown man brought Jamie to Lallybroch. When the covered wagon drove through the gate of the estate, they thought he was dead. But when Ian and some men lifted him out of the wagon, they discovered that Jamie was alive. He was badly hurt. But he lived. Claire and Jenny cleaned his wounds and provided him with everything he needed. But only a few weeks later, he had just recovered a bit, the redcoats came. Claire and Fergus were in the fields and were able to hide in a barn. But Jenny and Ian did not have enough time to get Jamie into the priest hole. The redcoats put him in chains and put him in a covered wagon. Then they took him to Ardsmuir Prison. (Ian was also arrested by the redcoats and sent to the prison at Broch Mordha for interrogation. He stayed there for two weeks. Then he was allowed to return to Lallybroch.) When Claire heard about it, she was devastated. But after just one night, she knew what she had to do. She could not stay at Lallybroch. If the redcoats found her, they would punish every member of the family. Giving shelter to the wife of a traitor was a crime.  She could not risk putting the whole family in danger. The next day, she had decided to go to London. There was no better place to hide. She had learned that from Frank. Hidden in plain sight - that's what he called it. From London she would try to find an escape route for herself, Jamie and Fergus. At the same time, Jenny and Ian would try to figure out how to free Jamie.

 

(”London” by [Donations_are_appreciated](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Flondon-sehen-architektur-stadt-bau-143030%2F&t=MjdlOTVmNTEyZWMxNTgyYjQzNDY2NjkzNzM0ZmUzMTU5M2EwYWY5YyxrYUFOZWdBMQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172831259180%2Fwithout-worry-6-it-was-your-fault&m=1))

 

          Shortly afterwards, a friend of the family took her to Edinburgh. For one day she received accommodation in the house of a family that had supported the uprising. The next night, she had to lie down in a large wooden box and was smuggled on board of a ship that took her to London. When she arrived in London, she took a room in an inn and started looking for work. But her efforts seemed to be in vain. Then one evening, when she was already in bed, she heard tumultuous sounds coming from the tap room. Men seem to yell and beat each other. The sound of splintering wood and shattering dishes could be heard. She opened her bedroom door just a little gap and looked carefully through it. Shortly after, silence returned. The taproom was strewn with rubble and injured men lay everywhere. Claire threw on her coat and hurried down with her medicine box. Some of the men had bleeding head wounds and needed immediate treatment. Suddenly the wife of the Inn keeper appeared. Before she could say anything, Claire already gave orders. She needed clean bandages, hot water and alcohol. She did not know how long she had taken care of the injured when the door opened and a distinguished-looking elderly gentleman entered the tap room. He wore a hat, a black coat, a walking stick with a silver pommel, and a leather bag. Amazed, he looked at Claire and how she cared for the men.

          "I'm Doctor Kelly, John Kelly. I was just around here when I heard that a doctor was needed," he introduced himself.

          "How wonderful. Thank you for coming. My name is Claire Beauchamp. Could you care for the two men over there? Just tell the Innkeeper's wife if you need something."

          One hour later, all the wounded were taken care of. Dr. Kelly and Claire sat down on a bench that had been spared by the conflict. The innkeeper and his wife began to clean up. By and by men and women, mostly family members, appeared to pick up their wounded relatives. The innkeeper's wife brought tea and sandwiches. While eating, a conversation between Claire and the doctor evolved. Dr. Kelly expressed his astonishment about Claire's medical abilities and asked her where she worked. When she told him that she was looking for a job, he invited her to work with him. It turned out that he owned a much-visited surgery near The Mall. Dr. Kelly also promised to get her an apartment near the surgery. And so it happened. A few days later, Claire moved into a small apartment, which was owned by a former patient of Dr. Kelly. Monday of the following week, she began her work.

          On one of the following Sundays, Claire visited a convent. She knew from Jamie's and her time in France, that monks from the Abbey of Ste. Anne de Beaupré were regular guests here. The abbot welcomed her warmly. He listened to her story and promised to send her letter to Jarred Fraser, Jamie's cousin. One of the monks would bring the document to Paris and would make sure, that she would receive the answer on the same way. Now she could do nothing but wait. Maybe Jarred could find a refuge for her, Jamie and Fergus.

          However, everything should develop quite differently. Already in the first week of her work, Claire made a most interesting discovery. She noted that the doctor's patients included many employees of the foreign embassies which were near The Mall and therefore in direct neighborhood of the surgery. Maybe she could find a solution for their problem that way. But where should she go? Could she just go to one of the embassies? What would happen then? She did not know much about the diplomatic relationships between the England and most of the other countries at this time. The more she thought about it, the more dangerous it seemed to her. After all, there was a possibility that she was delivered to the British authorities. And then everything would be lost.

          Weeks and months passed. One evening, having just returned home, a priest from the convent appeared at her front door. He brought her the long awaited answer from Jarred. But this letter was a total disappointment. Jarred told her that bringing Jamie to Paris was too dangerous at the moment. The city was swarming with English spies. He suggested that he would prepare a passage to the colonies for them. But Claire knew that they could not take that path. Jamie would not survive such a long voyage. His seasickness allowed at most the short passage from Scotland across the canal. Claire wrote to Jarred at the same evening. She thanked him, but refused a passage to the colonies. The priest had waited and took her answer with him. He promised that the covenant would send the letter as soon as possible to Paris.

          More months passed. In the meantime, the year 1748 had arrived. At the beginning of the year, Claire had received a letter from Jenny. This letter had been brought to her by another priest of the convent. Jenny wrote that meanwhile Jamie was brought from Ardsmuir Prison to an estate called Helwater, located in the Lake District of England. The chances to free Jamie would now be far better than at Ardsmuir. Jenny urged Claire to finally find a refuge for them. Claire was desperate, the situation seemed hopeless. But giving up was no alternative. Then suddenly something happened that completely changed Claire's situation.

          One evening in March 1748, Dr. Kelly had been called to a patient and Claire was already closing the surgery, when she heard a loud knock on the front door. When she opened, a coachman was standing in front of her, propping up a well-dressed older man. The coachman explained that the man was his Excellency Joachim Wilhelm von Klinggräff [1], the Prussian ambassador to the English royal court. Mr. von Klinggräff had fallen and broke his left forearm. He needed help - urgently. After Claire had carefully freed Mr. von Klinggräff with the help of the coachman from his coat, she treated him as best she could. She gave him a tincture that relieved the pain and examined his arm. Then she put a splint around it. Before the coachman drove the ambassador back to his home, she gave him some important advice and promised Dr. Kelly would immediately look for him the next morning.

          She wrote a note for the doctor and placed it on his desk. Knowing that Mr. Kelly always arrived at his office one hour before the surgery opened, she could be sure he would find it there.

          When Claire appeared in surgery the next morning, she found a note from Dr. Kelly, in which he told her that he was already on the way to Mr. von Klinggräff. When the doctor returned to the surgery an hour later, numerous patients were already waiting for him. It was not until they closed the surgery for the lunch break that they had time for a conversation. Claire inquired about the well-being of the ambassador and after explaining the current condition of Mr. von Klinggräff to her, Dr. Kelly praised her for her good work the night before.

          Four weeks later, the ambassador reappeared in the surgery. A servant who accompanied him handed Claire a bouquet of flowers. The ambassador thanked her and asked if he could do something for her as well. She asked Mr. von Klinggräff, under the pretext that the doctor would have to examine his arm again, to go to another room. Then she asked the servant to sit down in the waiting room. After the door closed behind the servant, she asked Mr. von Klinggräff if she could see him at the embassy. The man immediately realized that the woman standing in front of him was worried. He reached into the pocket of his coat and took out a small leather bag. Out of it he produced an address card.

          "Here is my private address, please come to our house on Sunday at lunchtime. My wife and I invite you for lunch. But bring your medicine box with you. Then you can always say you wanted to look after my arm, if any of the English authorities should ask you for the reason of your visit," he whispered.

          "Thank you, your Excellency. Thank you so much," Claire answered while she put the address card in the pocket of her skirt.

          Three days later, Claire was on her way to the residence of the Prussian ambassador. As he had told her, she had her medicine box with her. For a long time she had been bothered whether she should accept the invitation. How great was the danger that she would be betrayed. She did not think that the Ambassador himself would do that. But what if one of the employees told the authorities about her visit? But ultimately she had decided to follow this path. Jamie had told her during their stay in Paris not only that he had learned German but also what a positive development the Prussian kingdom had taken under its new King Friedrich II. Maybe this visit really opened up the possibility of an escape for her and Jamie. She could not let this opportunity pass by unused.

          Finally she pulled the doorbell. An elderly lady opened and invited her in. She helped Claire out of her coat. Then she led her through the hall into a parlor. There she was already expected by Mr. von Klinggräff and a woman, whom he introduced as his wife Katharina. Then the ambassador invited her to the dining room next to the parlor and rang the bell that called for the staff. The elderly lady who had opened her appeared and served lunch. After lunch, the ambassador invited her for a walk in the garden. After walking a few meters from the house, he said:

          "Mrs. Beauchamp, you can speak openly. I gave my employees a day off today, except my cook. I have known her for almost twenty years and trust her completely. She will not talk to anyone about your visit. What is it that you want me to do?"

          Mr. von Klinggräff pointed to a bench.

          "Let's sit down and then tell me what's bothering you."

          They took a seat and Claire took a deep breath. Then she started to talk. For nearly half an hour, she told him their story. Joachim von Klinggräff listened attentively. Every now and then he asked a question. When she had finished, he got up and asked her to follow him. As they made another walk though of the garden, he explained that she and her family would always be welcome as immigrants to Prussia. But in their case, one would have to proceed with the greatest caution. If the English were to learn that Prussia would provide shelter and support to a wanted criminal, it could lead to serious political upheavals between the two kingdoms. The ambassador asked her to contact her family in the Highlands. She was supposed to find out when they could expect her husband to be freed. In the meantime, he himself wanted to think about how to smuggle the whole family out of the country and into Prussia. As soon as they knew more, they wanted to contact each other again. The ambassador's cook would serve as their messenger. Mr. von Klinggräff promised to send the lady once every second week to Dr. Kelly's surgery.

 

 (”London - Kapelle” by [PublicDomainImages](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Flondon-turm-kapelle-kirchen-387306%2F&t=YzNiMzZjMzMzNmJjZTQzZDdjZTQ0NjU5YzM1MjlmMjA5NDM2YjdmZSxrYUFOZWdBMQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172831259180%2Fwithout-worry-6-it-was-your-fault&m=1))

 

          When Claire passed a church on the way back that afternoon, she stopped for a moment. Her Catholicism had never been more than nominal. But at that moment she quarreled with herself. When, if not now, would be the best opportunity to offer a prayer for the coming events and lift up her loved ones before God? Claire gave herself a jerk and went inside. She sat down on one of the benches in the back of the church. Closing her eyes she thought about her talk with the Prussian ambassador. Folding her hands, she began to formulate a prayer in her mind. Claire did not know how long she had been sitting there. Before she left the church, she lit a candle for Jamie, Fergus, Jenny, Ian, and the children. When she stepped outside, it was already dawning and she hurried home.

          About two weeks later, Helene Engel, the ambassadors cook, appeared in the surgery. She handed Claire a letter from Mr. von Klinggräff and said she would wait until Claire wrote an answer.

          "Milady, Milady!"

          Fergus's loud voice rudely awakened her from her memories.  
  
          "What is it, Fergus?"

          "An old man is standing at the gate and Leni Schultheiß is with him. His wife has fallen and desperately needs your help, Milady."

          Clair quickly rose from her knees.

          "Go and get my medicine box," she told him while cleaning her skirt. Then she went to meet the visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Joachim Wilhelm von Klinggräff was the Prussian ambassador to the English royal court from 1748 until 1750; see: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joachim_Wilhelm_von_Klinggr%C3%A4ff (German only) - As much as it is a historical fact, that J. W. von Klinggräff was Prussias ambassador in London at this time, his meeting with Claire Beauchamp-Fraser (and everything that evoles from it) is only a product of my imagination. However, since the kingdom of Prussia was very sympathetic to the immigration of politically and religious persecuted people since the reign of Friedrich Wilhelm of Brandenburg, known as "The Great Elector" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_William,_Elector_of_Brandenburg), such a support of the Fraser family by the Prussian ambassador would be entirely conceivable.


	8. Without worry (7): Back in her Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire is unexpectedly called to a severely injured woman. Could that be the new beginning for her service as a healer?

(”Lederkoffer” by [Mondisso](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fkoffer-leder-lederkoffer-utensilien-2534787%2F&t=NTU4YzQzMWE0OGRhNmRiNTYxZWIwMmVhYWNiZTFkNmFlMzczNzI5YixhOWtmU0JGVg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172954042095%2Fwithout-worry-7-back-in-her-business&m=1))

 

          When Claire came to the gate, she found the situation as Fergus had described it. An elderly man whose clothes suggested that he was a farmer and the mayor's daughter were waiting for her.

          She knew the man. He lived with his wife in a house a few hundred yards behind the property that had been assigned to Jamie and her by the Prussian authorities. The entrance to his house was exactly opposite the small local watermill. Claire had accompanied Jamie once or twice when he brought grain there. On one of these occasions they also met the elderly couple. However, they had not exchanged more than a friendly greeting. Claire was still struggling with the language and only very few of the people here spoke French. Therefore she was all the more grateful that the elderly gentleman was accompanied by Leni Schultheiß. The mayor's daughter had been educated at one of the first 'Höheren Töchterschulen' [1], founded by August Hermann Francke [2]. There she had also learned a little French. Of her own accord, the young woman later had further education and broadened her vocabulary. Since Jamie and Claire had moved to Quellheim, Leni Schultheiß had acted as an interpreter on several occasions.

          "Good morning! What can I do for you?" Claire asked.

          The older man which was about 6 feet high had a friendly, round face and a small, almost white mustache, As soon as he saw Claire, he took off his cap. Underneath a bald patch became visible, surrounded by a wreath of gray hair. The man bowed slightly.

          "Good morning, Mrs. Fraser."

          "Good morning."

          "Good morning, Mrs. Fraser. This is Mr. Thormann. He lives …"

          "Thank you Leni, I know where Mr. Thormann lives. What kind of help does he need?"

          "His wife, Mrs. Fraser, fell while she wanted to pick up hay from the hayloft of a stable. The floor was rotten and she pushed through with her right arm. The wood splinters have torn up the skin of her right arm in numerous places. She is bleeding and until we get a doctor from Teichen ..."

          At that moment, Fergus appeared with Claire's medicine box and handed it to her.

          "Thank you, Fergus. Now listen to me. I have to help Mr. Thormann's wife, she had an accident. Bolt the front door and the gate and then go and get Milord. He should come quickly. He knows where the family lives."

          "Yes, Milady."

          "Good. Come on, Leni, let's go."

          As she went out of the gate and across the bridge, she heard Fergus lock the door. The memory of his faithful help in the past few days reassured her that he would do everything the way she asked.

          Followed by Mr. Thormann and Leni Schultheiß, Claire hurried along the path and over another bridge. After only a few more minutes, she reached the house of the Thormann family. Mr. Thormann stepped forward, opened the door and led Claire to his wife, who was sitting in the kitchen. The image that showed itself to Claire caused her a sense of nausea. The elderly woman with the friendly round face sat on a chair and had put her right arm on a cloth on the table. She was shaking. Tears ran down her face and she obviously was in great pain. Her bun had come loose and single strands hung down the sides of her head. She wore a gray work dress. There were cracks, holes and dark smudges on its front. On her face and on her blouse one could see larger and smaller spots, which were only interrupted by the lines of tears. Some of these spots were spots of dirt, others were spots of blood. The right sleeve of her dress was completely tattered and under it her injured arm became visible. From the fingertips to the shoulder, the skin of her hand and her arm had been torn open in many places. Numerous small and large wood splinters had drilled into the flesh. Luckily none of the wounds were so big that it had to be sewn. Claire opened her medicine box and at that moment she switched into her professional mode.

          "Leni, I need clean bandages and cloths, as well as hot water and alcohol!"

 

(”Krank” by [congerdesign](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fgelenkbruch-gips-bruch-eingegipst-490818%2F&t=MDY2ZTU5ZDZiMzBiMjM2Nzk1MTFhNDE4ZmM1NDNiMDkyM2ZiNDM1MixhOWtmU0JGVg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172954042095%2Fwithout-worry-7-back-in-her-business&m=1) ) 

 

          Nearly two hours later, Jamie appeared with Fergus. Mr. Thormann led them into the kitchen, where Claire and his wife sat at the table. Claire had cleaned Mrs. Thormann's arm and face, while Leni had ordered the older woman's bun. Then Claire had cut the torn sleeve off the dress, cleaned the hand and the arm and then removed a great part of the splinters. Shortly before their arrival she had put on a bandage.

          "Claire, what happened?"

          "Jamie!"

          She smiled, got up and hugged him.

          "Mrs. Thormann had an accident in which she injured herself. The boards of the hayloft are obviously old and rotten in some places. Mr. Thormann can show you later, maybe you can fix it."

          At that moment, it rang at the front door. Mr. Thormann opened and shortly thereafter Leni Schultheiß appeared with another woman in the kitchen. Every woman carried a bucket, which was closed with a lid. Jamie knew that buckets like these were used to transport cooked food, especially when farmers slaughtered pigs and then gave the broth in which sausages were cooked as a gift to their neighbors. Both buckets were placed on a little board beside the table with the washing bowls.

          "Thank you Agnes, you can go home now," Leni said to the young woman, who was obviously a maidservant of her family. Agnes bowed briefly and left the house. Then Leni left the kitchen:

          "I'll set the table in the dining room and then we'll have lunch together."

          When no one was watching him, Fergus carefully lifted the lids of the two buckets and saw to his delight that one was filled with a good soup. The other bucket contained vegetables and - heaven! - fried meat. But before he could enjoy the smell of the food, Jamie's big right hand hit the back of his head and gave him a light punch.

          "Fergus behave yourself!" he whispered.

          "Y-Yes Milord."

          He blushed and looked around carefully and was hit by Claire's serious gaze hit. But only a few seconds later her serious look was replaced by a mild smile and he started to smile again too. Suddenly Leni's voice was heard:

          "Please everyone, come. Lunch is ready."

          With that, she took a ladle and the bucket that contained the soup, went into the dining room, and filled the soup plates. Claire and Fergus followed as the men supported Mrs. Thormann and led her to a chair at the table. Claire wanted to feed her, but Leni took the spoon from her hand:

          "Let me do that, Mrs. Fraser. I've already eaten a little bit at home."    

          After lunch, Claire once again examined the older woman's arm and bandaged it again. At the same time, Jamie accompanied the farmer to the barn to investigate the damage on the hayloft. Leni had cleared the table and was now standing in the kitchen washing dishes. Fergus had been 'sentenced' to help and had to dry the dishes. When Clair asked him to do so, he had rolled his eyes. But then he recalled the order Milord had given him and - to Milady's surprise - grabbed a towel immediately.

          With the help of Leni, Clair had bedded her patient on the sofa in the living room and given her a soothing tea. Shortly thereafter, Mrs. Thormann had fallen asleep.

          When Jamie returned to the kitchen with the farmer, she knew immediately that his serious face meant no good.

          "Mr. Thormann, your wife is in the living room. I gave her a tea and she is sleeping now. Would you please look after her? Take seat beside her and rest a little while? Call me, if she wakes up."

          Reassuring, Claire stroked the old man's shoulder and slowly pushed him towards the living room. When the door closed behind him, she pulled Jamie into the hallway.

          "What is it?" she asked and the look of her face demanded an immediate answer.

          "This accident could have ended fatally. That the wooden planks have carried her weight is almost a miracle. Directly below the hayloft is the stable of a bull! Imagine what would have happened if she had fallen into it! The animal would have been scared and certainly trampled the poor woman to death. I brought some of the hay down so that Mr. Thormann can feed the bull the next few days. As soon as I'm done with the fields, we will bring the animal to another stable and then I will repair the hayloft."

 

(”Brett” by [TheFreak1337](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fholz-loch-makro-rau-oberfl%25C3%25A4che-720448%2F&t=MmI1N2Q3YzhiMTllZWMwZTRhNzliZGE4M2VkN2FjNWUyOWQ2NjY5MyxhOWtmU0JGVg%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172954042095%2Fwithout-worry-7-back-in-her-business&m=1))

 

          Claire did not answer. She nodded and then simply rested her head on his chest and let him hug her.

          "What will happen to Mrs. Thormann?"

          "I've talked to Leni about staying here and watching over her until seven in the evening. She will also care for their dinner. We'll come back at seven. Then you can bring her home, I'll stay here and do the night watch. I know, Jamie … you wished for more time this evening, but …"

          "Please, Sassenach. Don't apologize," he whispered. Then he kissed her forehead.

          "I could not remove all splinters and I'm afraid the wounds will fester. I expect that she will get a fever. We can not leave her husband alone with this situation."

          "No, we can not and we will not, mo chridhe."

          He smiled and his smile turned into a broad grin.

          "Seems my wife is back in her business."

          "Jamie …"

          "Claire, you know, I was always thankful for your gift. And I am very thankful right now that I have a wife who cares for the life of others. I can wait."

          "All right. I give Leni some more instructions and then we can leave."

          He nodded.  


          Back home, Jamie said it would not be worth returning to the fields that day. He and Fergus watered the remaining plants in the garden. Then they took care of the animals. Meanwhile, Claire was preparing dinner. After eating, Claire changed and when she returned to the kitchen, Jamie was already waiting to escort her.           Shortly afterwards, when they returned to the Thormann's house, Leni opened the door and led them into the kitchen where Mr.Thormann was waiting. Talking to her about the condition of Mrs. Thormann reminded Claire of her time as a nurse in a century that was two hundred years in the future. How often had she experienced it?  It was like the usual process of one nurse handing over the patient to the one who started the next shift.

          Mrs. Thormann was now in her bedroom on the first floor. Leni had helped her change clothes for the night. Then she had brought her upstairs with the help of her husband. Jamie talked to the farmer while the young woman brought Claire to her patient. She greeted the woman, who smiled at her and said something Claire only partially understood. When she looked at Leni questioningly, she explained that Mrs. Thormann was glad to see her and that she was very grateful to her. Claire gave Leni a bag of herbs and asked her to make a tea from it. Then she removed the bandage and examined the arm. Some of the wounds had become inflamed. Claire removed the pus and cleaned the wounds. Then she put on a fresh bandage. Shortly thereafter, Leni appeared with the tea. After Mrs. Thormann had drunk, the two women wished her a good night and left her alone. Leni showed Claire a small room next to the bedroom. Everything indicated that this room had once been occupied by a child, a boy.        

          "You can sleep here. Mr. Thormann will knock if they need you help," Leni informed her.

          "Thank you. I'll say good bye to my husband and then you can go."

          A few minutes later, Leni set off in the company of Jamie. Claire went upstairs and carefully opened the door to Mrs. Thormann's bedroom. In the shine of the night lamp she could see the older woman. The expression of her face and a snore that could not be ignored testified impressively that she had fallen asleep. Reassured, Claire went into the room where she would sleep that night. She took off her shoes and took off the simple overdress. She had deliberately dressed simply and not put on a corset. If Mrs. Thormann began to fever, what she expected, she quickly had to have to be able to help her. She slipped under the covers and turned to the wall. She was aware that she would hardly sleep that night.

          While Claire looked at the pattern of the duvet cover, her thoughts wandered back to London.

          She would never forget the day Helene Engel came to the surgery and she could tell her that she urgently needed to speak to the ambassador. The day before, it was the 23rd January 1749, a priest had delivered another letter from Jenny and Ian to her. No news could have made her happier. Jamie was free. Over the Christmas holidays 1748, a group of friends had managed to help him to escape. The family on whose estate he had to do forced labor had traveled to visit relatives. Therefore his escape was only discovered after New Year Day of 1749. In the meantime, he had been hidden away on a farm south of Newcastle upon Tyne. The farmer and his wife had been convinced by a nice amount of silver. Helene promised to inform the ambassador. The next day she appeared again and told Claire that Mr. and Mrs. von Klinggräff would ask her to have lunch with them the next Sunday. So on January 26, Claire went to the residence of the Prussian ambassador. As before, she wore her medicine box with her and again only Helene Engel was present from the staff. After dinner, the ambassador invited Claire to his study. There she told him that her husband was free and hiding. Mr. von Klinggräff told her that there were already plans to smuggle her and her family out of England.

          "In a few minutes, I will introduce you to a young gentleman who will help you. His name is Benjamin Smith."

          Claire scowled at the ambassador.

          "Benjamin Smith? An English man?!"

          "No. His mother, Mary Smith, was a Scottish woman. And his father was ... a Prussian merchant. His father met his mother during a stay in Edinburgh and … well, a year later Benjamin was born. His father recognized him as his son and heir, but he grew up with his mother, so his name is Smith."

          Von Klinggräff smiled and the worry vanished from Claire's face.

          "He is absolute loyal. To Scotland … and to Prussia. You can trust him, Mrs. Fraser. Benjamin is as saddened by the outcome of the uprising as all the Scots. He is not a friend of the English and will support you and your family in every way possible. Until next weekend we will set up a detailed plan. You do not have to worry about anything. We will provide you with the necessary documents and finances. But now, you have to quit your job and your apartment. Just tell Dr. Kelly and your landlady that you have to leave because a long time friend of your uncle, who lives in Oxford, needs your help for an unknown time."

          "Yes."

          Claire nodded.

          Von Klinggräff rose and drew at the bell with which the servants were called. Shortly afterwards, Helene Engel appeared.

          "Helene, ask Benjamin to come and bring us tea, please."

          The cook nodded and went away. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

          "Come in!" von Klinggräff shouted.

          The door opened and a tall young man with brown hair entered. According to his clothes, he could have been an official or the employee of a bank.

          "Welcome Benjamin. I would like to introduce you to Mrs. Fraser," Mr. von Klinggräff said.

          Claire rose and the young man bowed before her.

          "It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Broch Tuarach."

          Claire had flinched when, for the first time in years, she heard someone calling her by her rightful title.

          "Thank you, Mr. Smith. You know the title of our family?"

          "Which Highlander does not know the name of your husband and your family? Who of us does not know what your family did for our country? It is a privilege to serve you, Lady Broch Tuarach."

          "Thank you Mr. Smith. I assure you that my family will never forget your help."

          Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Claire expected Helene to come in and serve the tea. But nothing happened. However, the knocking became louder and louder. It did not seem to stop. Then she heard someone call her name and finally she realized that it was the voice of Wilhelm Thormann.

          "Mrs. Fraser, Mrs. Fraser, come quickly, my wife has a high fever!"

          In the twinkling of an eye, Claire was out of the bed and in her dress again. 

          "I'm coming, Mr. Thormann, I'm coming!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] “Höhere Töchterschule”, literal translation “Higher school for daughters”. Schools whose instruction went beyond elementary and elementary schools and aimed at a more general “intellectual education” were called “higher schools.” Higher daughter or girls’ schools were therefore secondary schools for girls. The term “Higher daughters school” was also considered as a name for schools for daughters from higher social classes. The first German higher girls’ school was the so called Gynaecum, founded in 1709 by August Hermann Francke.
> 
> [2] August Hermann Francke (* March 22, 1663 in Lübeck, † June 8, 1727 in Halle an der Saale) was a German Protestant theologian, educator and hymn writer. He was one of the main representatives of Halle’s Pietism. In 1698 he founded the Francke Foundations, which still exist today. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_Hermann_Francke


	9. Without worry (8): Of Love and Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Claire nurses her patient, a question rises in her mind.

 

(”Pflege” by [41330](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Fhand-halten-pflege-hilfe-1549143%2F&t=MjZiMmVmMGZkYmI5Mzc1ODdmNzdlYWZiOGExYTIzYjdjZDY3YTlmZixraHVZNEN1Vw%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F173295890615%2Fwithout-worry-8-of-love-and-fear&m=1))

 

          When Claire came into the woman's room, she recognized her condition at first sight. Mrs. Thormann was apathetic and groaned quietly. Claire turned to Wilhelm Thormann and searched for words:

          "Jamie … äh … James … James holen …schnell … Er soll bringen … kaltes Wasser … viel kaltes Wasser. Schnell." [1]

          The old man nodded. Moments later, she heard him hurry down the stairs and then the front door slammed shut behind him.

          Claire took the damp cloth that Wilhelm Thormann had laid on his wife's forehead and wielded it over one of the bowls that stood on the bedside table. Then she dipped it in the bowl of water and placed it on the sick woman's forehead. On a chest of drawers on the wall she saw a pitcher of water and a cup. She poured fresh water into the cup and slowly infused the liquid to her patient. Then she removed the bandage and saw that some of the splinters she could not remove had begun to fester. She opened one boil after another. When she had removed the slivers and pus, she cleaned the wounds. Just as she was about to put on a new bandage to Mrs. Thormann's arm, she heard the front door open and Jamie, followed by Wilhelm Thormann, coming up the stairs. He carried an almost full bucket of water and set it down beside her.

          "Thanks, please ask Mr. Thormann for clean towels, we need a lot of clean towels."  
  
          Jamie translated Claire's request and the old man hurried off again. Moments later, he returned with a stack of clean linen towels. She immediately put some of the cloths in cold water and took other cloths to prepare the calf rolls. When everything was ready she put the first wraps around the lower legs of the old woman. Then she reached for her medicine box and took out a little packet with a herbal mixture.  


(”Heilkräuter” by [1195798](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Ftee-kr%25C3%25A4uter-mischung-heilkr%25C3%25A4uter-1680885%2F&t=YzhkNDU0MGRiNDY2NTgxYWY1YmY4MmZkZDNiMzkwM2QzMGU1YjkxZCxraHVZNEN1Vw%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F173295890615%2Fwithout-worry-8-of-love-and-fear&m=1))

 

          "Here, Jamie, Mr. Thormann should show you where to cook tea. Take three teaspoons for a pot and pour hot water on it, wait for ten minutes and then bring me the tea."  
  
          Jamie did as Claire asked. A quarter of an hour later, he returned with a large cup of tea.  
  
          "Thank you. Put it there on the dresser, the tea has to cool down a bit, and then go get another bucket of cold water, we need a lot more."

          Jamie nodded and turned to the stairs. At that moment, Claire heard Mr. Thormann say something but did not understand.  
  
          "Claire?"  
  
          She turned back to Jamie.

          "Wie geht es ihr?" [2]  
  
          "Mr. Thormann asks how his wife is."  
  
          She looked at him and took a deep breath. He could see from her glassy face that things were not very good with the old woman.  
  
          "Tell him ... I do everything I can, if the fever goes down in the next few hours, she'll make it."  
  
          Jamie nodded and then spoke softly to the old man. Afterwards he left the house to get another bucket of water. Meanwhile Claire had changed the calf rolls and slowly and carefully infused to her patient the tea Jamie had brought. Mr. Thormann watched her attentively.

          After Jamie brought the second bucket of cold water, a kind of routine slowly developed. Claire changed the calf rolls and the cool towels on the forehead of Mrs. Thormann and then infused more liquid to her. Mr. Thormann brought more tea and water to drink. Jamie wore the buckets back and forth between the small waterfall on the road bridge and the Thormann's bedroom. It was about four in the morning when Jamie entered the room with a new bucket of water.

          "You can tell him that it's enough tea for now. Ask him if they have broth in the house and if he can warm it up."  
  
          Ten minutes later, the men returned with a large cup of broth.  
  
          "Thanks, that's good! Tell him she's feeling a little better. He should rest. He can lay down to sleep now."  
  
          She heard Jamie and Mr Thormann whispering to each other. Then they both entered the room again. The old man sat down in a chair on the other side of the bed, folded his hands and closed his eyes.

          "He says he can not sleep now, he wants to stay here with his wife," Jamie explained to her.  
  
          "Good, he can do that, but I still need fresh water."  
  
          "I'll get it right away."

          Jamie approached Mr. Thormann, leaned down and spoke softly to him. The old man raised his head and Claire saw tears running down his cheeks. Then he squeezed Jamie's hand as if he would never let hum go. Claire turned away and switched back to her routine. Change the calf wraps and the towels, administer fluid, feel pulse, change the calf wraps ... But she could not help thinking about how Jamie or she would feel if they had reached the age of Thormann's and would be in a similar situation.

          At six o'clock in the morning the fever had broken. The old woman's breathing had normalized and she finally fell asleep. At seven o'clock Leni Schultheiß came to take over the care of Mrs. Thormann. Claire told her what to look for. She also urged Leni to call her again if the patient would start to have high temperatures again. The young woman took Claire to the door. But just when she wanted to say goodbye to Leni,  Wilhelm Thormann grabbed her gently by the arm. She looked at him in surprise, then she looked questioningly at Leni.

          "He wants to thank you," the young woman replied.  
  
          Claire turned back to the old farmer, who took both her hands in his hands and bowed over them.

          "Danke, Frau Fraser, von ganzem Herzen Dank!" [3]

          "Gern geschehen, Herr Thormann. Es … war eine … Freude. Ich … werde … wieder kommen morgen." [4]

          She bowed as well.

 

(”Rührei mit Schnittlauch und Brötchen” by [MAKY_OREL](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fde%2Ffr%25C3%25BChst%25C3%25BCck-r%25C3%25BChrei-br%25C3%25B6tchen-876432%2F&t=OGRjZmY5MTUxZDViNzNkOTEwNTI5OGY0ZTBiMGQ4MzIzY2JkMDAyZixraHVZNEN1Vw%3D%3D&b=t%3ALWrYuKJ7y7qBw1y37At9Pw&p=https%3A%2F%2Funderthewingsofthblackeagle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F173295890615%2Fwithout-worry-8-of-love-and-fear&m=1))

  
  
          When Claire arrived home fifteen minutes later, Jamie and Fergus were already having breakfast.  
  
          "Milady, Milady, how good to have you back!"  
  
          Fergus ran to meet her and hugged her immediately. She gently stroked his hair. Then they walked together to the table where Jamie was standing and waiting for her.  
  
          "Good morning, Sassenach, good to have you back."

          Before she could answer, he embraced and kissed her. When they parted, she looked at him with a smile.  
  
          "I am also glad that I have my men back."  
  
          She kissed him again, passionately and profusely, until a rumble came from the direction Fergus was sitting.  
  
          "I do not want to disturb you, Mylord, but breakfast is getting cold."  
  
          They smiled at each other, then they looked at Fergus and then they burst out into laughter.

          "Surely Fergus!  That would be terrible."  
  
          Claire sat down at the table where Jamie had already placed her plate. Then he brought her scrambled eggs, bread and tea. Thankfully, she began to eat, and Fergus and Jamie continued their meal.

          "Fergus," Jamie said as they finished eating, "Milady has to rest for now. We will take care of the animals and then take care of the garden."  
  
          "But Jamie, I ..."  
  
          "No arguing, Claire, you took care of Mrs. Thormann all night, now you have to sleep a bit."  
  
          "And who brought the uncounted buckets of water all night to me?"  
  
          "Sassenach ...."

          "Milady," Fergus intervened, "Milord is right. You always work so hard for us, you need to rest. We do not want you to get sick too, we'll take care of everything."  
  
          Claire looked from Jamie to Fergus and back again.  
  
          "Well, I don't think I can handle your unified resistance, but before I sleep, I'd like some more hot tea, and if anyone comes from the Thormanns, you'll wake me up!"  
  
          "Ye-he-s" the men replied out of one mouth, then looked at the ceiling and rolled their eyes.  
  
          "Not 'Ye-he-s!' You will wake me up, that is an order!"  
  
          "Ye-he-s!"  
  
          "Good."

          She smiled. Then she finished her tea and went up to her bedroom. Once there, she stretched, took off her outer garment and shoes and - slightly dazed - crawled under the covers. It did not take two minutes and she fell asleep.  
  
          When Jamie entered the room three hours later, she had just woken up. He stripped off his boots and carefully lay down beside her.  
  
          "Well, Sassenach, how are you?"

          She turned to him and took his face in her hands. Their eyes met and she kissed him. He pulled her close and rested her head on his chest. Claire sighed.  
  
          "Have I ever told you that there is no place for me where I feel safer and more comfortable?" she asked, letting her hand slip under his waistcoat.

          "Here? At Quellheim?" he asked with mock astonishment.  
  
          "No, you ignorant Scott! I ..."  
  
          He did not let her finish, but closed her mouth with a kiss.  
  
          When they parted, he smiled and said:  
  
          "You told me," he whispered, "after our first night in Newcastle upon Tyne."

          There was a little sadness on her face, but she did not answer. He lifted her head gently and looked into her eyes.  
  
          "What makes you sad, mo chidre?"  
  
          Instead of answering, she began to draw small circles on his chest.  
  
          "Last night I had to remember what you said that night about fear. When Mr. Thormann refused to go to sleep, I saw the tears in his eyes and I thought about what you said about fear."  
  
          "That I have not been afraid for a long time because I thought I had lost everything I loved, and that I would feel it again because I have you again?"  
  
          She nodded.  
  
          "What worries you?" he asked.  
  
          "How can it be that love gives birth to fear, Jamie?"  
  
          "Because what we love is precious to us and we do not want to lose it. But Claire will not let us talk about it. Let's enjoy the fact that we have each other again. As long as we love each other even death ..."

          Gently, she put her hand over his mouth.  
  
          "No, Jamie, not now. Let us not talk about it. You're right. Let's enjoy the fact that we have each other again."  
  
          She took his head in both hands and pulled him close. But before they could kiss each other extensively, they were interrupted by a tentative knock on the door.  
  
          "Yes?" Jamie called.  
  
          "Milord, I just wanted to ask if there's lunch today," Fergus replied.

          He did not get an answer. Only a loud laugh came from Milord's and Milady's bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] "Jamie ... uh ... James ... get James ... fast ... He should bring ... cold water ... lots of cold water."  
> [2] "How is she doing?"  
> [3] "Thank you, Mrs. Fraser, wholeheartedly thanks!"  
> [4] "Gladly, Mr. Thormann, it was a ... pleasure, I ... will ... come back … tomorrow."


End file.
